Let me say this upfront:
I’ve been caught in this trap.
I’ve bent. I’ve softened. I’ve stayed quiet when I had something to say.
I’ve worked overtime to be agreeable, reasonable, likable.
And like many women I know, I got very good at making room for others without even realizing I was pushing myself to the edge of it.
What finally pushed me over that edge?
Being told to smile more.
Again.
Because what that really says is:
“Don’t make us uncomfortable.”
“Don’t be too direct.”
“Don’t show up too strong.”
We’re Trained for This
Girls are taught early:
Be polite.
Say thank you.
Don’t interrupt.
Be agreeable.
And as we grow up, that early training morphs into something more ingrained—this constant, quiet pressure to make everyone else feel at ease.
We’re rewarded for being “nice.”
We’re praised for being “flexible.”
We’re seen as “a team player” when we let others take the credit or take the lead.
And the cost?
Clarity.
Confidence.
Power.
Because somewhere in all that pleasing and smiling and smoothing—it becomes a pattern.
We confuse being liked with being effective.
We confuse making room for others with shrinking ourselves.
I See It Everywhere
I see it in women founders who understate their traction.
Who pitch like they’re asking for a favor instead of offering a seat at the table.
I see it in women mentors who hesitate to give hard feedback because they don’t want to “discourage” someone.
I see it in brilliant women leaders who pre-apologize before sharing an opinion, just to soften the edges.
And I see it most in the moment after someone speaks truth in a room—and instantly backpedals, just in case they were too much.
Let me say it again:
Making room for others should never require making yourself smaller.
You Can Lead Without Shrinking
Leadership isn’t about being the loudest.
It’s not about being the most aggressive.
But it is about being grounded, clear, and fully present.
You can be kind and still hold the line.
You can be collaborative and still be decisive.
You can be generous and still know exactly what you’re worth.
But you cannot lead if you’re constantly managing everyone else’s comfort.
You cannot lead if you’re afraid to take up space.
You cannot lead if you’re still shrinking to make room for someone else.
You’ve Earned This Seat—Sit in It Fully
I’m not saying any of this is easy.
We’ve all been shaped by systems that reward silence and punish confidence—especially in women.
But I’ve also seen what happens when we finally stop waiting for permission.
When we speak plainly.
When we ask for what we need.
When we stop smiling through deals we should be walking away from.
That’s what Still at the Table is really about.
It’s not just that we’re still here—it’s that we’re no longer shrinking to stay.
So if you’re still playing small, still managing tone, still second-guessing how you’ll be perceived?
You don’t owe anyone comfort.
You owe yourself the truth.
And the table needs you—fully.
Not filtered. Not half-sized. Not halfway in.
Just you.
Clear.
Ready.
Unapologetically present.
Because we’re not done.
And the table isn’t complete without you.
